The Lost Souls

HA HA HA HA HA! It's hard to take this forum seriously! Post about anything you want except spam here, but follow forum rules, OK?

Moderator: Datastream Command Interface

Post Reply
User avatar
Yuuki
Post Organic Data Entity
Posts: 1040
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 4:52 am
Location: closed space

The Lost Souls

Post by Yuuki »

I was recently wondering if anyone would be interesting in reviewing a fan-

fiction

Novel that i recently wrote.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5992005/1/F ... Lost_Souls
if anyone would like the raw file document, then i will gladly send it.

If anyone wants to know anything about it before reading, i will gladly inform. Thankyou for your time.
-bows-
Image
User avatar
Kei
Quantum Dominion Singularity
Posts: 1494
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2007 1:46 am
Twitter: mikoto_desu
Location: Just on the border of your waking mind...
Contact:

Re: The Lost Souls

Post by Kei »

Overall, it was quite good, although there were a few points where the prose seemed awkward. For example, the magazine article seemed oddly written to me, to the point that I found it unbelievable that the main character would be so utterly intrigued by it. Another example is this passage, which switches from past to present tense halfway through.
It was funny – at first it seemed absurd, but after a lot of thinking, it was actually pretty easy to get to Doolin from where I lived. It would probably be a days' worth of travelling, catching different buses and trains, which wouldn't be too much of a problem. And when I get to Doolin, I will just find somewhere to stay. I mean, I have the money.
In other words, the story just needs a bit of spit and polish here and there to help it flow a little better.
Image
Anime-Planet.com - anime | manga | reviews
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests