This is something i wrote, because i felt like writing... there is no plot and no development further than what is here. i just wrote it because i felt like it.
A door opens in the dark; The enveloping dark you've known since you began. Suddenly the world you know has grown. Are you scared? are you curious? Both?
You step through.
The light momentarily blinds eyes you've never used. The cold air surrounds your body. Your senses, now awakened, refuse you comfort. You fall to the floor, gravity taking a hold. The haven you left, now inaccessable. You are weak, new to this world.
You sleep.
----
'Are you awake? Are you going to answer me?'
There is a voice, breaking the silence. You know the meaning, but not the words.
You open your eyes, looking up at the culprit. It is a young, brown-haired girl. The warm silence is broken yet again.
'Hi, what is your name?'
You don't answer, you have no idea how. The girl edges closer.
'well, i'm Alice. If you won't tell me your name, I'll call you what i want to call you.'
You have no memories from beyond the door. there were none to be had. A state of non-life. What is a name? Why are you here? What are you going to do? There are many questions to be answered. Before any thoughts take shape, the girl speaks again.
'Fine! I'll call you... uh.. Oliver! It's the name of a boy, in a film. I think it suits you.'
You collapse into sleep, again.
I may add more as time goes by, even add to the characters, giving a plot and stuffs... but i might just keep going like this =3
Its pretty good. Only bits of criticism I can think of is to probably to use past tense rather than present if its gonna be added to. Good as it is but easier to work with if there's more. And probably more adjectives need to be used... But it doesn't really matter if neither are put in. Its quite awesome as it is.
I use present tense and 'you', since it's creepier; and puts you right there, at that moment. When people picture the scene in a book, it's more often done from an outside point of view. The way I'm writing this forces it to be 1st person.
The thing that'll be hardest, is working from the story so far. I've given so much to develop... but it'll be hard to explain through the character development. It may require that it be more of a journey, than a story.
I think it would be better if it was a short story, given its development so far. A journey is a is also a good place to make it into. But if it was a short story, the girl talking about the name thing might need to be taken out.... but none the less, great so far. I would like to read more.
Tenses can be tricky. Normally you would want to write in past tense seeing that the event has already occurred.
When I write, I tend to do it present tense. Then go back and change the parts that have already occurred to past tense, then have my proof readers go ballistic when they've figured out where the plot or story line is or was going.
Writing is fun....
Enjoy the magic of every sunrise.
Wonder at the sight of snow.
Appreciate the joy of living in the now.
Upon tomorrow live a new life for a new day.
The problem with mine isn't the tense. It's more the learning part. If i were to continue in that manor, either the reader would bore... or I'd have to make up for it somehow.
Will rewrite bits of the original posted piece in time to come.
But now something written recently.
looking backward, walking forth
ever edging further north
never lighter, always sore
curse i've cast now bloody raw
I've done things, you just wait
look on friend this is your fate
flaming, freezing, flying, dead
demons feasting on your head
I look on content instead
crows gather in my wake
for the ruin that i make
swallows all that you create
as my staring it does grate
at your body, blood not red
morbid mixture, sin and lead
chaotic sense of what is good
leave your carcass in the mud
repent now or end you could
started sacred, judged you all
become different, see me fall
apocoliptic rise of man
see the evil that he can
cause and muster at his will
even god he can now kill
all this he does for fun
with his love, the mighty gun
now paladin is dead and done
u sure?
'I look on content instead' screams for a comma, doesnt seem to flow or whatever,
whereas demons feasting on the dudes head, you look on in content, just like you could look on in contempt
I finally started writing that fancomic. As a fanfic first, mind.
It's got the introduction done to get me going, but I still need to do the story. may involve completely rewriting it. But, yes, I started.
I'd post what i have now... but I forgot to bring it to my dad's so i ould post it. You'll just have to wait until I have net back. i'll post it then, but itmay be thati completely scrap the idea and do something else.
