Project Haruhi

I was recently wondering if anyone would be interesting in reviewing a fan-

fiction

Novel that i recently wrote.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5992005/1/F ... Lost_Souls
if anyone would like the raw file document, then i will gladly send it.

If anyone wants to know anything about it before reading, i will gladly inform. Thankyou for your time.
-bows-

Overall, it was quite good, although there were a few points where the prose seemed awkward. For example, the magazine article seemed oddly written to me, to the point that I found it unbelievable that the main character would be so utterly intrigued by it. Another example is this passage, which switches from past to present tense halfway through.

It was funny – at first it seemed absurd, but after a lot of thinking, it was actually pretty easy to get to Doolin from where I lived. It would probably be a days' worth of travelling, catching different buses and trains, which wouldn't be too much of a problem. And when I get to Doolin, I will just find somewhere to stay. I mean, I have the money.

In other words, the story just needs a bit of spit and polish here and there to help it flow a little better.