Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I went to hit the “record” button, and I realize an hour and a half later that it did not, in fact, record anything. I was pretty frustrated, to put it mildly. But hey, silver lining! This little accident forced me to actually write something for a change instead of just hitting a button and spewing mouth-thoughts into a microphone. Though if I’m gonna be honest, my writing probably won’t be any better. Sorry!

JoJo’s Bizzare Adventure #45
Lord Dio doesn’t need to kill you right now, even though he totally can. Because Lord Dio knows success isn’t just about killing. It’s about crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women and Speedwagon-equivalents. You can’t just kill Jotaro. You’ve gotta destroy every last bit of hope that exists in him first. Also: you’ve gotta drive a taxi down sidewalk, GTA-style. Apparently some people were mad that the anime didn’t actually show people being run over and crushed by car tires? That seems like a weird thing to get mad about, but then I never came to JoJo’s for the gore.

I came to JoJo’s because Dio is fabulous.

VERDICT: 5 ZA WARUDO’s out of 5

Seraph of the End #9
I’m gonna be honest. Whenever Larry and Ben start talking about this show, I zone out. So I have no recollection of anything they said about it. Larry reads all the dumb stuff I put up here, though, so if he wants to edit in his opinions then he is more than welcome to do so.

Fate/Stay Night #21
Oh, thank God, it’s finally over. I mean, it still took way longer than necessary, leaving only a few minutes of the episode that weren’t devoted to Archer and Shirou engaging in one of the dumbest conflicts I’ve ever seen in a piece of entertainment media, but I take what I can get. And what I got was Shinji becoming a giant Akira-esque flesh monster. You hurt me real bad, F/SN, but I guess I can learn to love you again.

Now let’s see how ridiculous you make the upcoming sex scene.

VERDICT: 2 Shirou tautologies out of 5

Blood Blockade Battlefront #9
This show is perfect, and now it also has a cool fishman. I think I’m getting the vapours.

VERDICT: 5 Hellboys out of 5

The Heroic Legend of Arslan #9
Maybe it’s just because Arslan fares very poorly in comparison to Legend of the Galactic Heroes, but it kinda seems like it’s not that good? Arslan himself is cool, and most of his followers (with the obvious exception of the bard whose name I cannot be bothered to remember) are entertaining, too. The archer-priestess’ clothing design is a bit silly, but at least no one’s objectifying her (other than, again, the bard). But man, the evil priest is so ludicrous that it’s impossible to take him seriously as a threat. I wouldn’t even consider him a character. He’s just a cardboard box that someone wrote the word “evil” on with a Sharpie. The question the wider conflict brings up isn’t, “How will these two cultures be changed by this violent collision with each other?” Instead, it’s, “How long will it take before Arslan murders every one of these idiots?” And that question just isn’t very interesting to me.

VERDICT: 2 twirling mustaches out of 5

Ore Monogatari #9
I didn’t watch it, but I’m guessing every character blushes, like, eighty times.

Punch Line #8
Exposition exposition exposition, exposition.

Exposition.

Panties.

Exposition? Exposition!

I can’t remember anything they actually talked about. I seem to remember some pretty okay jokes, though? Also, Yuta totally breaks that dude’s limbs against a tree, and that’s hardcore.

VERDICT: 3 pet bears out of 5

Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches #8
Well, I guess this show had to have a bad episode eventually. We’re clearly supposed to empathize with the three students who got framed, but we have no idea what they were framed for or why it seems to be such a big deal. I mean, Yamada’s gang doesn’t seem very popular in school, and they’re not being assholes about it. Maybe if they had spent more time characterizing the people we’re supposed to feel sad for and less time trying to make us cry over blue-twintail-girl’s not-very-tragic backstory, it might have worked somewhat.

But they didn’t do that, so it was mostly an episode about how a four people are huge jerks to Yamada’s friends for very tenuous reasons.

VERDICT: 2 utility closets out of 5

Knights of Sidonia #8
Is there a show airing this season that has worse slice-of-life segments than Sidonia?

Oh, wait, Vivid exists. Never mind.

Still, whenever things get peaceful in Sidonia, the show seems to fall back on one of four things: 1) Izana getting mad at Tanikaze for being the biggest idiot who ever lived; 2) naked ladies; 3) Tsumugi being hella moe; or 4) actual plot development (this one is rare). I am not a fan.

The only good thing I’ll say about Tanikaze’s stupidity in this episode is that it gave us a scene where Izana’s grandmother demands that Tanikaze bone Izana or she will decapitate him with a bomb. Like a XXX parody of the movie “Speed.” That’s set in space. And has placenta monsters.

2 fear-induced boners out of 5