K-ON!’s Weirdest Merchandise

Wanna look your best at work with Mio!

According to a recent article from ANN, the K-ON! merchandising juggernaut has made 1.8 billion yen in the last three months. That’s approximately $20 million USD, and that doesn’t even include the video sales and licensing rights for the anime or CDs. It’s not on par with merchandising juggernauts like Star Wars or Gundam, but it’s still pretty impressive.

But out of all this merchandise, there are a few products that are rather… bizarre. Let’s take a look at those odd and ridiculous accessories that really make people scratch their heads and beg the question,”What were they thinking?”

Check out the strange products after the jump.

Click on each thumbnail to expand the image.

K-ON! Hawaiian Shirt

Because when you think of Hawaii, you think K-ON!.

This shirt is beyond tacky. As if regular Hawaiian shirts weren’t bad enough, this one could melt your eyes out with its garishness. I’d feel immense pain just by having this fashion disaster in my closet. What poor otaku would purchase this absurd thing? You’d look both tacky and nerdy at the same time! And the products just keep getting weirder and weirder from here…

K-ON! Sandals and Mat Thingy

While I have to admit this does look slightly cool, it’s still pretty silly. In addition to K-ON! sandals, you also get a Gitah-shaped mat thingy to store them in. Would you want this lying right inside your front door? Sure, if you’re the same guy who would want that Hawaiin shirt up there. Hey, these two fit, right? Head on over to the beach wearing your tacky Hawaiin K-ON! shirt and matching sandals. Now, all we need left are surf shorts. But of course they couldn’t possibly have something as absurd as that, right?

K-ON! Surf Shorts

Dear God. It’s like a cruel sick joke.

Yes, those are surf shorts. With a picture of Ritsu on them. They also come in Yui, Ritsu, Tsumugi and Azusa versions. I just don’t know what to say about these. I mean, given that most otaku aren’t exactly the type to show off their bodies at the beach, I really don’t see the point of these, aside from completing the Hawaiian shirt and sandals ensemble. But that’s enough about horrible fashion. Let’s move on to the…

K-ON! Bath Poster

Now, to be fair, the poster itself isn’t really bad. It’s just the girls being their stereotypical selves in bikinis on the beach. It’s not the image that’s weird, but the actual poster. It’s a bath poster, which in other terms means it’s waterproof, and it goes in your shower.

Nudge nudge wink wink!

Of course, that means this goes great with the…

K-ON! Tissue Box Cover

Yes, a tissue box. This seemingly innocent product is probably the most perverted piece of K-ON! merchandise created thus far. That is, unless you count the bootleg sex toys. And no, I’m not providing links to those, so don’t ask.

K-ON! Tie

The perfect way to humiliate your dad on Fathers Day! Give him a tie with his favorite K-ON! girl on it!

In all seriousness, who’s coming up with this stuff? A tie. Let me repeat that. A TIE. That thing you’d wear to meetings, parties or work. Would any serious salaryman even consider wearing a K-ON! tie? Did someone actually think,”Gee, I sure wish I had a tie with Mio on it for the big meeting next week!” Unless your workplace has a VERY loose definition of ‘casual Friday’, I doubt you’d be needing this.

K-ON! Socks

Ooh, they match the tie perfectly!

Seriously, what’s the point of these?  If you’re not hanging around the house, nobody is going to see your adorable Azu-nyan socks, since they’d be covered up by your shoes. Unless you’re one of those guys who wears socks with sandals. In that case, your fashion problems extend far beyond simply wearing socks with Ritsu’s face on them.

K-ON! Azunyan Mug

This product pretty much speaks for itself. It’s pink and cute and has Azu-nyan on it. So… yeah.

Now for a quick mental exercise. I want you to picture the fattest, ugliest otaku you’ve ever seen… the one with the coke-bottle glasses and greasy hair. Now, imagine him proudly sporting a K-ON! Hawaiian shirt with a Mio tie, Ritsu boxer shorts, Azu-nyan socks and Gitah sandals. Go ahead, hold that mental image in focus for a few moments. Drink it in…

Horrifying, isn’t it?