ALL OF MY HATE

Oh, GOSICK, how far you have fallen. Not all that far, actually, since you never managed to climb very high in the first place. It’s been like scurrying up onto a small fence and then toppling over backwards off a cliff. Poorly written similes aside, this show is becoming enjoyable on a level much different than I would have ever expected. It’s like a mix of Detective Conan and Commando at this point. With the right mindset, that has amazing potential.

So let’s dive into episodes four and five of the best unintentional comedy anime of the season.

The previous story arc thoroughly demonstrated that no one except Victorique ever notices anything. In these two episodes, she begins analyzing things that she could have never observed. I’m beginning to wonder how much of the script she’s been allowed to read beforehand. I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle trying to make the logical leap from Kujo’s fantasies of golden-haired European women to Kujo subconsciously identifying a murderer. His fetish for blonde hair couldn’t have been awakened by spending an inordinate of time with our resident goth-loli detective, being in a classroom all day with half a dozen girls with that hair color, or the simple fact that blonde hair is considered exotic by Japanese standards even today – it was obviously because he caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of his eye while meandering down the road in a daze. Freud came up with some absolutely ridiculous correlations, but I think even he would have had trouble buying into this one. It’s also a complete mystery to me how she managed to work out that the Avril that had been running around was an impostor, let alone that the creepy voice in the shed was the real one. And who doesn’t gag someone when they tie them up and stuff them under the floorboards? This new Kuiaran may be a decent thief, but she’s certainly no expert criminal.

I could probably write 1,200 words explaining why the portrayal of the headless motorcyclist is total bollocks, but I already went into detail on this in a recent podcast. Suffice to say that the idea of a wire that thick making a cut that clean and a recently deceased rider maintaining balance on an unpaved country road is an affront to God and science. Newton would probably be spinning in his grave if Hollywood hadn’t worn him out forty years ago.

Sorry, I suddenly fell asleep

On a more positive note, think back to the last time you saw a stage four cancer patient on their deathbed. If you’re lucky enough to have never known anyone like that, you can probably guess that they aren’t the most physically active people around. Imagine that person getting up, dragging an unconscious adult male in chain mail an indeterminable distance, lifting a corpse off a platform, hoisting the comatose man into its place, dragging off the corpse, again walking an indeterminable distance and then intentionally letting themselves slip away merely hours later. Now imagine that person is about 18 years old, 5’6″ and a skinny little girl. If your suspension of disbelief cracked at “getting up,” that’s because you have a reasonable grasp of the human body. If you found nothing wrong with what I proposed, then I’m pretty flattered that the writer of GOSICK is reading this, because you can’t possibly be anyone else.

This is a bit tangential, but I’m having a problem with GOSICK‘s assumption that strong women are evil. Avril’s independent, confident personality would be refreshing and interesting if it weren’t so painfully obvious as soon as she’s introduced that she’s a villain. She made me realize a similar problem I didn’t notice with Julia from the previous arc: Julia hatched an ingenious (if obvious) plan to punish these horrible people who played games with childrens’ lives and were likely outside the reach of any criminal sentencing. Despite never harming and even protecting Kujo and Victorique, they still turned her in even though there was no hard evidence against her. Contrasted with Avril, who kidnaps an innocent girl and stuffs her in a hole so she can steal her inheritance, Julia barely seems like a villain at all.

GOSICK‘s modus operandi fly in the face of logic and reason. Its wanton disregard for the basics of physics and the workings of the human body and mind make the mysteries all but unsolvable when they aren’t painfully obvious. These stories have a spark of inspiration in them, but they feel like they needed a second or fourth draft before being finalized. The characters are still the strong point. Even though we didn’t get much interaction between Kujo and Victorique, Avril more than compensated. I’m currently enjoying this on the premise of ‘how ridiculous will the mystery be this week?’, but I may lose interest suddenly and without warning.